There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
