Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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