The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
