Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
