Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
