i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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