Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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