At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was born a porn star she said
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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