And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
