but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
