even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
