The best revenge is premature balding
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
