did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
