you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize