I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize