she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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