U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
