Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
