is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
