I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
