they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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