It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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