best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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