just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
