Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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