what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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