Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
