My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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