dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize