i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize