OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
