dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How does one acquire holy water?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
