someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
