Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
