I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
