There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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