With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
