Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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