Don't you send me to vm
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
