Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
