just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
