i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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