It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
