'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
