Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
