i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
