Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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