you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
