I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
