the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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