His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
