She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
