i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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