The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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