How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
even my farts smell like vagina
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
