he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
