He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize