It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
