how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
