Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
