best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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