We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
