what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
