you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
