dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
