They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
