She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
