highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
