How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
