i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
