have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
