dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
