Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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