shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
