$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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