I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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