we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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