seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
