i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
