I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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