Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
