is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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