Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
