is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
two words: eviction party
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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