That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
