He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pooping to opera.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
